Conversations with a Zipper on Christmas

Christmas is today just as
yesterday wasn't Christmas
just as tomorrow isn't the
Fourth of July or Easter.

And on Christmas I saw
my aunt and all she could
say was how skinny I was
and how skinny my girlfriend
was.

"Any thinner and you'll
be a zipper," she said.

Whatever the fuck that
means?

And I tried to explain to all
4'2 180 pounds of her that
maybe we are the norm and
she should make friends with
a nice treadmill or some guy
who works at that rock climbing
village next to the mall.

I do a lot of explaining
in my head.

It's not important to remember
that my stomach ached while
writing this at 6 pm Christmas
day.

"Next person that puts me on
trial for accusations of being
too skinny I'm gonna punch
em' in the gut," I thought.
Rather, I explained.