shot, dead

April was never a month for living. Apparently even the world's savior died that month. 18 is a special number. There are 18 holes on a golf course. 18 is the age you are legal to kill in time of war. And on the 18th of April you sent me spiraling deep into a shit hole without a shovel. Right now you are sleeping sound somewhere in Europe. I could give two fucks where. The point is that you are gone, vacant from this poignant cold country I call home. There are leaves stuck to my sock. I wonder, are there dead foliole in Milan?

fuck you im finished

first base was such a long haul away
three months turned into a couple of days
now you're sleeping next to the enemy
what a coincidence, what a bunch of horse shit

your new boyfriend is a fucking bitch

i wait for the sun at 3am
i just can't sleep, because it hurts
all of me aches
everything aches right now
you made it possible, thank you for that
thank you for taking what was once beautiful
and killing it at the root
i could have never predicted
such pain, such bullshit
we will never trade words again
thank you for that
goodbye, you will die without me

yo

I spoke with mother it made me
feel better to cry on the phone
but you're still her daughter
and that's a dilemma. She said
she doesn't know you quite like
she used to one week ago.

All I've Ever Known is Hurt

"I am now about to make the great adventure. I cannot endure this agonizing pain any longer. It is all over my body. Neither can I face the impending blindness. I pray the Lord my soul to take. Amen."

Clara Blandick

I tried my best to forget you,
it's hard to forget forever.
I'll name a kite after you
and let it float into some
power lines. This might give
me closure, this might kill
me too.

sad

When I think of you I want to explode. You are
a belly full of stardust, devouring constellations
at will. This makes me wish I had a time machine.
You always taste the same but the day taste different.
Some love lasts forever. Some love. I burned your
name into my arm with fire. For what?
A weight hits me hard. Philadelphia never
meant shit to me until you swallowed it
whole. I am ready to leave. I am ready to
say goodbye. I am ready to love again.

karen

fell asleep with my glasses
on so I could see in my dreams
made ammends with my friends,
lovers, companions and demons

problems are a vast wave of
cold chills and indifference

my hands share no kinship
my arms are just misprints
my skin is but a costume
my mind is just a wishlist

of robots, machines,
computers, dead diabetics

abortion support groups
death through anesthetics

set the room to autopilot
it was a
downward
spiral of

cold prison floors
babies first steps
backyard cartwheels
half broken necks

mothers warm milk
her breasts could ferment
I am still just a twelve years old
pulling pills from the vents






"take me for a walk through your mind"

river hands

im sinking
faster, deeper
into a life hole

people are
like stones

sometimes

skip em
on a pretty
lake

they settle

into the
silt, just
like me

additional generic cop compliment 6/22/09

old salt
expert navigator
favors
pirouette on cue
dingy stinkin mud puddle
thats how my freaking day was

I'm a fan of
bible days
wrong hat
stupid squirrel
theres worst things than nicotine

can the irish crap
fido mccokefein
a little more shut the hell up
awkward laugh

channel snake bite
ugly ugly ugly interesting 100%
me mind on fire
no wonder people do drugs

I whipped this speed freaks ass at horse shoes today
the explanation for my crush on Jenny Lewis
I think everyone could benefit from a singing puppet

head cold

there is
a sound in
my head
like
squealing
brakes

I am it's
slave,
expecting
delays,
awaiting conclusion

humphrey bogarted me

i cant sleep
it will be april fifth
for ten more minutes

this poem looks ugly on the page
like a stray dog scimpering across
highway 76
like my fifth grade school picture
green turtle neck, cowlick, stupid
smile and all

i cant sleep
it will be April sixth
in eight more minutes

tomrrow i will not conquer
the world
tomorrow i will not get married
to an asian woman
tomorrow i will not have my
first child

tomorrow i will wear sun tan
lotion
tomorrow i will make love to my
hand
and of course i will drink the
drink that many men have given
birth to
late at night
face to face with a toilet seat

tomorrow is april 6th
i hope it comes
in moderation

no small hand

have you ever
been drunk
and not had your
picture taken?
at one point
you were my
girlfriend.

You're moving mountains with the tip of your fingers
I'm just happy to be walking on solid ground
I'd like to think I did my best even if it was
for the worse

This Fever Reminds Me Of Mother

When I was a kid mother made
The jump to Virginia and my
Dad kissed a lady in the desert
Shop across from the train
Station. The train station
Wasn't there then and neither
Were my brothers illnesses.
I remember moms first visit,
The crippling sound of her
Ford Bronco pulling in grammaws
Driveway, the stale smell of
Her leather jacket, and the
Wet grass along my tiny feet
As I ran into the barn to
Escape her face. She brought
Me legos, miniature legos
Prefabricated to form a
Submarine. My fever ran
Hot that morning. I found
The cure inside a bag of
Pixie sticks and a stuffed
Eeyore she left in the living
Room on the orange shag
Carpet. Her mistakes are the
Only thing in this world
I am too scared, too tired,
And too hurt to write about.

Fever Seizures

Soccer legs are
uncomfortable and
poisoning my body.

Hot Head

Woke up with a fever of 101.
Woke up and saw you were the only one
Besides me laying in this bed.
Without you I might have been dead.

My brain boiled like a hot hot river.
The covers were on me but I continued to shiver.
A wet wash cloth, you put on my neck.
You saved my life, not just my neck.

Manson Kids Medley

Approaching man hood, this ship has matured
And been weathered by winds and gusts of delusion.
Life, it's such a morbid game that everyone
Loses unfortunately.

cant compete with the heart and cambodia thou

i ought a die my hair and move to a different state. maybe then my dreams
wouldn't seem morbid. maybe then i could kiss someone new. pretending to
be happy was never my specialty. buried within the pages of old yearbooks
are examples of my cover ups. i signed yours in photography class but you
were absent that day, missing from the hallway. today seems closer and
closer to fading away.

bright lights, big titties

I wanted to ask my brother
why it hurt to remember
and then I remembered
that this situation
resembled the time
I asked my father
what it was like
to give birth.
yea, he had seen
it done a few times
before but would never
grasp the agony of a six
pound watermelon escaping
your vagina in front of two
county hospital workers.

got a dirty face

you are naked inside
no matter how many layers
of clothes you wear and
no matter how many times
you tell yourself that
everyone else is not
staring there

motion sickness

I've been told my poetry goes nowhere
like a car with no gas and I think to
myself at least it's been somwhere

thoughts before breakfast

i have hated and been hated
i have drank and been drunk
and
more
importantly
i have loved and been loved

scotch tape nightmares, duct tape dreams

everywhere I go
I saw you so I
took your picture
out of the inside
of my glasses but
still didn't fix
the problem

death of an era

I sighed when I found out that myspace had died.
I sighed not for the young ones with their self
taken portraits and nonsense surveys, but for the
people I had met, the friends I had made, and
the music that was listened to by kids all around
this big blue world. Yes the website still remains
but the movement has been buried deep, somewhere
underneath a concrete printer.

rip myspace 2004-2009

today

the whole world is against me
there's all these rules, lines,
and terms that every mother fucker
with a name tag on has me agreeing
to. everything is online. EVERYTHING.
i hope to see you someday starving
in the desert to which you ask "may
I have a drink," to which I will
reply "no you stupid fuck, you gotta
go on the internet on a wednesday
or friday only between the hours
of 8am and ten am and reserve the
bottle even thou the water is right
in front of your stupid ass face."
its a crock of horse shit. everyone
is scared of breaking the rules
that someone else made only for
the purpose of being "above" you.
well congratulations you are
officially an idiot by moral and
logical standards. that's the word
I was looking for. LOGIC. this all
defies LOGIC. the bar is the only
place left that understands the
general ideas of humanity. you give
the man money, he gives you a drink.
no waiting a week, no signing some
bull shit documents, no fucking
internet options to search through.
that being said, i'm gonna fuck the
system, and then make my own.

filter moon

i killed your boyfriend
in a dream one night
which is strange because
i think hes a pretty cool guy
strange how thinks work out
strange how kids grow up
strange how when im alone
i throw up
i killed your god
in a dream last night
which is weird because
i believe in him too
strange how im being blasphemic
strange how earth is full of shit
strange how when im at home
i grow up

>l((8djd7wGHG6%dbd _Aw-rw{W{[[-27*@jhmr 8

condoms shaped like condiminiums scatter the borders, allow us to practice to shooting blanks at one another.i think of how i quit my job for you.spiral shaped children perform dances in front of the bank.i think of how i live for you.until this
moment my hands were merely organs attatched to robot arms.the sun gets sick and pukes elements of stardust and cancer into my mouth.today is a good day to not be wearing a shirt.id like to be labeled "shirtless, jobless, but not childless" one day.yes, id like to be labeled.maybe i should forget to turn the gas off.would anyone wonder where i went or just assume im impartial to telephone signals?difficult.i like that word.i could be friends with that word, were it a person shaped like the letter "d".there are waves in my head, crashing, cumming, exfoliating.this wrench on my scalp makes it possible to hear them fucking the shores of my eye sockets.that cardboard box.quit staring at me.i wear glasses.glasses wear me.glasses appreciate me.i appreciate glasses.glasses full of beer on my face.maybe i should forget to turn off the gas.my friends would notice.last i saw of them we were sniffing animal tranquilizers all night.i didnt ask questions.i never ask questions,unless im asked first.

post pardum

you're love makes me whole again.
it makes me feel like I've been
shot in the mouth, right between
the eyes in my mind.they radiate
purple and yellow spiritual
nonsense that drives me crazy.so
i knock on the wood in my pants
and then do a dance
around a bunch of dead
bodies.

band name

My friend Elvis and
my friend Elijah
sat and had a few
drinks. I sat next
to them and talked
to myself.

i am sad

tomorrow I will take up smoking again
and hopefully start performing street
magic in front of the dolphin tavern.
this wine sits in my gut then rots
just like me. you are a watered down
drink, cheap and somehow healthy

I Hear Things

I place my face against warm printer paper. The
ink has just been laid amongst the once living
features of a tree. The paper breathes. Then
whispers secrets of the forest. Four years ago
she saw me wondering the woods lost and alone.
I cry. My heart holds the hand of printer paper
and a crowd of people surrounds us. "It's okay
to hurt," she whispers and then dies.

ill proportioned sevings

think twice then
try to be polite.
drink it down or
just suck it up.
is it unusual
to feel uncomfortable
when you're around
people you don't
want to know at all?
i don't understand
the rain. i am open
to your change.
s.
i don't believe in
a popular belief.
i am an ocean.
you are the sea.

I Am Nothing Without You

I am nothing without you
Just a void in the arms of space
I am nothing without you
Just some fuzz on the TV screen
I am nothing without you
I guess you could call me
Yea, you could call me
A paraplegic without you
But you're more than a limb or two
You're more than a uniform
I am nothing without you

in portugal

noise,
fire,
and
over
pixelated
pictures
of
mountain
tops.
that
river
just
winked
at me.
hello,
river!
I
think
I'll
shed
my skin
today,
inside
of you
and
watch
it
float
away
with
the
fish
and
bacteria.

minus the shimmer

there are homosexuals
in this world and
there are heterosexuals
in this world and
there is still tinsel
on my window. it is
gold, shimmering, and
slightly out of date
just like my car, well
maybe minus the gold
and minus the shimmer.

student special

you're
so good
you're
so great
you're
the best
sandwhich
I've ever
had

self portrait

dumb hair
crooked nose
big glasses
fuzzy toes

straight teeth
pink lips
white skin
boney hips

hairy arms
hairy chest
brown spot
on the left

kind of skinny
kind of tall
medium penis
medium balls

a sweater soft

if I could
I'd quit
this big picture
that you've kept
in such a
tiny
frame.
the little
bit of light
that I feel
is inside this
flashlight
anyway.
it's okay
I heard
that all
of this was
just
a hoax
and that
you're calling
all the
troops back
no more war
anymore in
my chest

example #214

woke up
on Christmas day

first thoughts

my feet are ugly
there is toothpaste
on the mirror

now I can see
how hideous
I am

example #213

I still think you are pretty
it makes me nauseous
when I see a picture of you
I want to ride my bike
really fast into traffic
puke

cowboy boots

barred from the saloon,
I reach in my pocket but
couldn't find my gun, it
was only my bereavements

and odd notes to myself.
one said that "people are
precipitation. every snow
flakes different but every
rain drops the same to me."

six words of advice

get high and play the piano

at least once a week

if I make it to 70

now in my old age

my hair not in knots

light seems more

like a friend than

an enemy

a

mezzotint-spoon handled-Escher inspired-kooyanasquatsiesque-individualistic-distorted-quarter toned-30 teeth per inch-vintage-unrecognized-out of date-so so-middle aged-overpriced-Christian-engaged-deflowered-traditional-underachieved-thunderous-ceraunographic wave

just hit me.

amidst this tranquility

all I can think is

swim for shore.

beer jokes

Miller Lite ; The worst beer known to man.

Can be seen being drunk almost exclusively by rednecks.

"Hey Cletus, pass me a miller lite before I have sex with my sister."

5 things I could use

a car

a house

a ride

a drink

a pizza (preferably sicilian)

a break

a job

a diploma

some sort of foresight into

whether or not my eyes

will ever see success or

community or anything

worth waking up for

the fact is to matter

it's cold outside.

people forget me

like a Bible verse.

and now I miss

this world a lot

more than it

misses me.

donfe

when you're not around

I drink wine at ten am and

instead of calling your work

watch porn & professional

wrestling on the internet

and then write poems.

that's what I do when

you're not around.

what makes Mother happy

good wine

better food

traffic reports

a clean kitchen

and safe children.

my life as a loom

there are two sides to me.

one is red and one is blue (no political affiliation).

one reads Kafka and one chops wood

with my father on the weekend.

one drinks overly priced beer with

good friends and the other guzzles

cheap whiskey in his room alone.

they both like wrestling

and they both love pretty girls.

only one forgets his mother

but I'm unsure which.

I don't know if they'll ever meet,

maybe at the hand of their makers

where they'll argue whether to

sail or dog paddle home.

boring ending frontier

its scary to think how many friends I'll lose

in the next sixty years and how I pray just

so one day I can find them, trashed, smiling,

face up in the middle of the most perfect of

filthy city streets.

its frightening to wonder if these arms will

ever support shoulders that display a mind

of its own because everything I learn you

can probably catch wind of on the internet

in the next twenty years.

was I a burned out light bulb

or just a fluorescent failure

from the beginning?

these things I'll ask, or rather just

think about on my death bed

which will probably be next to a

bus somewhere in Indiana in front

of a crowd of twenty or thirty people

who never met me, never read me,

never saw deeper than the holes

inside my head.

no more frustration on these lips

spelled the word

"anemone" right

today and felt like

a genius for a few

minutes

saw my brother

making love to

exhaust fumes

and asked if he

was thirsty

later this week

I make decisions

that shape the

next few months

I better get used

to this triangle

ugly

awkward

pointy and

green