shot, dead

April was never a month for living. Apparently even the world's savior died that month. 18 is a special number. There are 18 holes on a golf course. 18 is the age you are legal to kill in time of war. And on the 18th of April you sent me spiraling deep into a shit hole without a shovel. Right now you are sleeping sound somewhere in Europe. I could give two fucks where. The point is that you are gone, vacant from this poignant cold country I call home. There are leaves stuck to my sock. I wonder, are there dead foliole in Milan?

fuck you im finished

first base was such a long haul away
three months turned into a couple of days
now you're sleeping next to the enemy
what a coincidence, what a bunch of horse shit

your new boyfriend is a fucking bitch

i wait for the sun at 3am
i just can't sleep, because it hurts
all of me aches
everything aches right now
you made it possible, thank you for that
thank you for taking what was once beautiful
and killing it at the root
i could have never predicted
such pain, such bullshit
we will never trade words again
thank you for that
goodbye, you will die without me

yo

I spoke with mother it made me
feel better to cry on the phone
but you're still her daughter
and that's a dilemma. She said
she doesn't know you quite like
she used to one week ago.

All I've Ever Known is Hurt

"I am now about to make the great adventure. I cannot endure this agonizing pain any longer. It is all over my body. Neither can I face the impending blindness. I pray the Lord my soul to take. Amen."

Clara Blandick

I tried my best to forget you,
it's hard to forget forever.
I'll name a kite after you
and let it float into some
power lines. This might give
me closure, this might kill
me too.

sad

When I think of you I want to explode. You are
a belly full of stardust, devouring constellations
at will. This makes me wish I had a time machine.
You always taste the same but the day taste different.
Some love lasts forever. Some love. I burned your
name into my arm with fire. For what?
A weight hits me hard. Philadelphia never
meant shit to me until you swallowed it
whole. I am ready to leave. I am ready to
say goodbye. I am ready to love again.